Friday, March 26, 2004
  belt test belt test

I’ve got a belt test tonight. I shouldn't get nervous for these anymore, but I still do. This will put me one belt test away from black belt, as Dennis pointed out last night. He thinks it'll be pretty cool to be able to say "my girlfriend has a black belt."

Funny thing is, it doesn’t seem like such a big deal anymore. You set goals based on some sort of idealized notion of a transcended self, but when you finally reach the finish line, there’s no moment of transcendence, no shiny new you.

I guess because by then you've earned your achievement, you grow into it over time. And when you reach that line in the sand – the one you drew years back without any idea what the line really meant except that it was far from where you then stood – you realize that it’s just a line. And the line itself means nothing.

But maybe that's the point.

When I set the black belt goal three years ago, I did so because I thought I needed a goal I couldn't devalue. Like I did the masters degree. And the A average. And swimming butterfly at the state meet. But I guess what I didn't get then, which I kind of get now, is that any goal that you actually achieve is going to lose it's mystique once you get there. I think that might be inherent to the achievement.

I dont know.

But I’ve got a belt test tonight, and I’m kind of nervous, but mostly I’m just looking forward to beers at Christopher’s after.


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