an evening in may an evening in may

I sat outside tonight in my pajamas and sweatshirt – it’s chilly for May still, but at least the leaves are back on the trees for the breeze to softly rustle through again – and sadness came back to me like an old friend.

You get tired of pushing it back after a while. And you get tired of searching around in your head for a reason, always a reason, for why am I sad.

Sadness came back to me like an old friend, and I let it come. It rocked me gently like a hammock, up in the trees, the soft breeze, the rustling leaves, my sadness, and me: One.

I used to wrestle it when I sensed it coming – I still do, often – fearing that it will appear wearing the heavy face of depression. But no, not depression, not even loneliness now, just a whispering melancholy deep in my soul. Gently rocking, safe inside myself, a little wistful but not wanting.

This is me. I let it come.



  ¶ 5/13/2003 09:10:00 PM